We recently started a Marriage study in a small group at new church we are visiting. Last night Ethan volunteered us to do a dialoge. It was really funny...The rules were you have to start each sentance with each letter of the alphabet, in order. So, Ethan starts us out with, "At least you cooked dinner." I just about DIED with laughter! I came back with... "By the way, can you do some laundry"... It was a light hearted funny exercise that I think everyone enjoyed!
This class was about communication. And communication can make it or break it people! We discussed fighting. Do you like to talk about it right away or take a little bit to cool down before discussing things? I like to talk about it right away! I remember when we first got married I would litterally sit in Ethan's face because he wants to take a minute and cool off. I thought that was the craziest thing. I wanted to talk now! But the problem was, I had no idea what I wanted to say, and the fight ended up being 1000 times worse than it had to be. And because I had no clue what I wanted to say I would just saying mean things to try and get my point accross that I was mad about this or that. After 2.5 years of marriage we have come to realize we both deal with things differently. Ethan needs time after a fight to cool off and think. And finally I realized that, just because he didn't want to talk right then and there, didn't mean he doesn't love me, it's just the way he deals with it, and I respected that. Someone in our class mentioned that after your married for a while you start to realize the other person is not going anywhere. And that could be a good or a bad thing. One person mentioned that if you do know that they aren't going anywhere, you may be more likely to push harder in fights and say meaner things that you would never say to anyone else. Then again, on the other side of the fence, if you know that they are not going anywhere your fights can become less of a big deal and easier to deal with. I feel like it would be easier because you don't get so upset with insecurity in your relationship, instead you know that you have a solid foundation and nothing is going to tear that down.
Well, sorry for such a long winded blab. I wanted to document my thoughts on this..and there will most likely be some more posts to this effect. Hope you enjoyed!
Do you have any senarios you would like to share? Comment! Write a post and let me know!
5 lovely comments:
Cassandra,
This is such a good insight on this. David and I deal with arguments very differently too. I am like you, I want to talk immediately. It was hard for me to come to that point where I was okay with walking away, cooling down and coming back to the issue later. It was hard to make myself do that. But, once I did, it definetely made the fights a lot easier to talk out. Thanks for sharing this! :) Have a great Friday!
I want to read that book! I just have not gotten around to getting it yet. We both have very different styles of handling arguments and it took awhile for each of us to realize that we needed to have a plan that worked for us both in order to handle it. We are opposite of you all, I need the time and he wants to talk so we find a way to make sure that we both get what we need!
such an insightful post! it's amazing what kind of good it can do to actually "communicate" about how you personally communicate so that you can empathize with your spouse and begin to connect more intimately! thanks for sharing. :)
Great insight! Aaron and I fight the same way! We actually went to a marriage counselor for about 6 months shortly after we got married to learn how to better communicate with each other. I am definitely guilty, as you said, of wanting to "talk it out" before I know what I really want to say, and end up saying things just to be mean and to prove to him that I am really mad. It makes me feel so bad afterward! Maybe I should read this book! :)
Such a good book! I'm only about halfway through, but I'm really enjoying it! I like your insight on marriages--definitely something to constantly be working at! :)
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